Not A Review: Anna and the French Kiss - Stephanie Perkins

(Blurb from Goodreads) Anna is looking forward to her senior year in Atlanta, where she has a great job, a loyal best friend, and a crush on the verge of becoming more. Which is why she is less than thrilled about being shipped off to boarding school in Paris--until she meets Étienne St. Clair. Smart, charming,beautiful, Étienne has it all...including a serious girlfriend. 

But in the City of Light, wishes have a way of coming true. Will a year of romantic near-misses end with their long-awaited French kiss?

WARNING: ALL CAPS OVERLOAD

This book (or the entire series tbh) features the exact sort of cover and the exact sort of title that I wouldn’t even dare disturb from its spot on the shelf in a bookstore. But then #IslaWasComing and the bloggerverse erupted and I’m like what the hell I’ll read it.

Oh boy. My head is in shreds.

This book made my girly hormones and my critic brain BATTLE IT OUT. I MEAN SERIOUSLY. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I COULD GIGGLE PUBLICLY. AT A BOOK CALLED ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS.

(Lame Joke: “Hey what’s the title of Book 2?”

                     “Oh, I don’t know, Anna and the Second Base, probably. Lol”

No, you are not obligated to laugh.)

But that’s not even the crucial point. The reasons for me to hate this book were numerous. But I still finished it within a day (I read it in class, tucked between the pages of Microprocessors and Interfacing – I can’t believe I did all that). I kept giggling and people kept  getting pissed off.

My hormones LOVED it. My brain HATES myself for liking this book.

Hang on, Sheldon, I'm explaining.

For starters, I HATED EVERYBODY.

I HATE ANNA because she’s an ignorant “wannabe film critic” who didn’t know France loves the cinema (I mean, hasn’t she heard of the Cannes Film Festival?).  She also keeps obsessing about this PURRFECT guy who already has a girlfriend. HIS HAIR. HIS LIPS. HIS GODDAMN WHOLE ANATOMY.  She also doesn’t realize that she’s so pretty enough to give a boner to any guy who walks into the room. And there are other “flaws” that are designed to make her character realistic except that it kept irritating the shit out of me (whenever I wasn’t giggling at her idiocites, that is – YES I HAPPEN TO BE A HYPOCRITE TA DA).

I HATE ETIENNE ST. CLAIR because –

“I cheated on her every day. In my mind, I thought of you in ways I shouldn’t have, again and again.”

If Ellie (the cheatee) were to make a book of her own, Anna would be the villain.

He also lacks a backbone. Ellie was his “just in case”. Or was it the other way round?

Oh, and by the way his “flaw” is that he is short.  Other than that, he’s PURRFECT.

I HATED THEIR FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE THEM SEE THE LIGHT.

But I have thought about this long and hard. So long, so hard. I have finally reached the conclusion that the reason why I read this book so enthusiastically despite my head screaming at me to not do it, is because Stephanie Perkins has some illusionistic capability to hoodwink people like me with her writing. 

VERDICT:

Brain: 1 star.

Hormones: 5 stars!

Me: God help me – 3 Stars