Friday, May 23, 2014

Man Vs. Wild - Part 2

It’s been summer for a few months now. Water is drying up, and we are officially banned from taking long showers. I was doing laundry one day, and filling a bucket when I saw a red thread. I was going to ignore it when it wriggled.

 A worm.

I didn’t panic, FYI. I just emptied the bucket and refilled it. Two more worms. That was when I abandoned my laundry basket and ran screaming like a madwoman. Later I came to know, that the first worm had been sighted A WEEK BACK by a girl who didn’t bother telling anyone, BECAUSE NO ONE CARED. Honestly, this is what they said.

The Unfeeling Unsanitary Bitches: Worms?  That’s ok, just throw it away and bathe.
Me: (screaming internally) Have you heard of cholera? Diarrhoea, maybe?

One sympathetic soul confided that their previous hostel was worse, at least our hostel entertained worms only seasonally. She said she’d even slept with a rat, only to find its body by the door next morning. She figured she must have flung the rat in her sleep. “Man vs. Wild, man. We could give Bear Grylls a run for his money”. She was laughing when she told me all this. I on the other hand had nightmares filled with exotic pests.

I have now adopted a filtering system. Even if my bladder is fit to burst, I tie a hanky around the tap, and after I’m finished with my business, I pray to God to give me the strength to face the horror, untie it, and quickly wash it. I must have interviewed quite a number of people on the best way to tie a hanky.

For those of you shaking your heads, thinking, well, why the hell haven’t you told your warden? - Do you honestly think I haven’t done that? I rounded up a small army and went into the office. She remained sitting there, cool as you please, and said, “It happens everywhere this time of the year”. She lied, I know now. She dumped bleach into the tank, so now we *only* have to deal with wormy dead bodies in the water and hair falling in clumps.

And the other day, I saw another friend fiddling with something on the window sill at, like, 9 am. Since she is not known for her hyperactivity in the am, and because I’m nosy, I went to see what she was up to. This is what I saw.

Me: Um, what is that?
She: He’s cute, yeah?
She: A baby bat. I woke up to find him in my hair. Aw, look at his wings.
Me: How did he end up in YOUR HAIR?
She: Ah, I don’t know. He can’t even fly. So maybe the delivery happened in my hair when the mummy’s water broke mid-flight.
Me: (pauses) He is cute.
(We both prod it so it stretches one wing lazily)
Me: Hang on, let me go get my phone.

I have improved a lot, mind you. I used to be the girl who threw out chapattis on finding them violated by ants (which by the way everyone tells me are good for your eyes, didn’t you know? Ants, not chapattis). Now when a bug comes from my own personal hell and makes itself at home on my laptop screen, I merely continue typing.

Like I’m doing now.


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